Of Focused Study

          I have had little experience with men. Okay, that’s an understatement. I have had close to zero experience with men. That’s slightly more accurate. The few ‘encounters’ I have had the misfortune of  experiencing left me more confused than when I first started.  As a result of said confusion I have resolved to amass as much (scientific) information about men and human relationships in general as to aid me in future dealings with the inferior and under-evolved sex. (I’m kidding, boys, don’t get your boxers in a bunch.) Maybe with enough theoretical knowledge, I’ll be able to assess my feelings more accurately in the future and as a result make better decisions, as opposed to just ‘winging it’ and ending up completely lost - a disheveled caricature of a girl with a thought bubble containing the characters: “W-T-F-question-mark-exclamation-point” above her head. Because, my ignorance notwithstanding, I do know that emotions muddle the mind. My mind, in particular, is susceptible to affection-induced muddling. When caught in the clutches of a romantic interest, I become inutile. My emotions hijack my brain. I can think of nothing else, speak of nothing else, I become the most insufferable bore. I sit for hours staring into space with only the red-orange glowing end of a lighted cancer stick piercing the darkness created by my thoughts, real and imagined. I forget to eat. I bump into things. I fall down stairs.I forget my keys and lock myself out of the house. Cigarette sales spike in my area of the city. I spare my friends the agony of having to listen to my agony, and instead take my aggressions (it seems all my affection is accompanied by some aggression) out on my moleskine journal, the poor thing.

            Anyway, the point of this post is that I’m focusing my studies and blog on the male psyche, human relationships, and love in this day and age in the hopes that it may help other single and confused girls out there. Happy New Year, guys and gals!

Painting from this blog.

Of Full Disclosure

Eric Fischl, 2001

        I think that if all singles adopted the regular practice of full disclosure it would spare both parties the aggravation of trying to decipher the other's motives. If intentions are clear from the very beginning, neither party is liable for (what would otherwise be) inevitable disillusionment. For example, upon seeing an attractive girl, a guy could walk up and say, 

        "Hi, I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I think you're pretty hot and I would really like to (expletive) you, and if it's good, (expletive) you repeatedly. So if you're interested in the same, here's my number. If you're not interested and are completely offended, please don't slap me (my friends over there are watching) I just thought it was worth a shot."

        Or, as the case may be:

        "Hi, I'm looking to find true love and the future mother of my children, and I believe that between our equally ridiculous good looks, notable athletic ability, and your superior intelligence, our offspring would have a considerable genetic advantage over everyone else's little second-rate rugrats. Whaddya say we find out if you're the one to help me breed superior beings?" 

        Sure, it would take a little getting used to as people aren't generally accustomed to brutal honesty. But I think it would work out for the best in the long run. No confusion. No 'Does he want something serious or does he just want to f*** me?' No trichotillomania-inducing exasperation.  Less moping about in pajamas, eating Spam out of the can, lip-syncing to Sheena Easton on 96.3 W Rock, thinking 'Why hasn't he called? Huhuhu.'  (Just so we're clear, that is so not me...huhuhu.)

        See ya next time Full Disclosurists! (Yes, I made that word up.)